The other day when I was driving home I spotted my best friend from junior high. She actually lives a block away from me now but we pretty much lost touch after junior high school. I was explaining this to my children and it sounded weird that I have a former best friend so close by yet we don't talk, other than when we run into each other -- chit chat about small things.
I got to thinking about all my "best friends" from the past. In first grade, my best friend was Sara (or Sarah, I don't even know how her name was spelled or what her last name was). When I moved in the summer after second grade, we lost touch. In P.S. 13, my best friend was Christina D. I would stop at her house, on the way to and from school, and play with her pet rabbit before walking the rest of the way. We lost touch after we went our separate ways to junior high. In Chinese School, there was Susan. But then she moved to Rockland County and we saw each other less frequently. In JHS 73, there was a trio - me, Judy, and Cathy. Cathy moved to NJ before ninth grade but we kept in touch by writing, telephone, and sleepovers. Somehow I lost touch with Judy when we went to high school even though she lived a few blocks from where I lived. In Stuy, there was another trio - me, Susan, and Christine. Then I went to NYU while they went to Cornell (where Cathy went too). I was so sad without them that I applied for transfer to Cornell. I didn't end up going because I couldn't afford it. In NYU, there was Grace, Judy, and later on, Karen and Dixon. At Price Waterhouse, there was Marie. At law school, there was Lorna. At Kelley Drye, there was Grace (again).
I really began to lose my friends when I got married and had children. Single people didn't understand the time commitment need to build a family while going to law school. Then when I started working, I had even less time to see friends and keep in touch.
In a more fluid environment where you don't see the same people every day at the same place, it takes more effort to maintain a friendship. As my free time decreased exponentially, rather than start new deeper friendships, I held on to the ones I already had since I really suck at keeping in touch, calling, writing, etc. I don't even send out Christmas cards any more! But email and Facebook have helped me reconnect with friends and maintain current friendships.
I don't know if I believe in BFFs since I can't seem to keep a best friend for any extended period of time. I've given up on that concept, other than my sister who has always been there for me.
Nowadays, my closest friends are those who understand how hectic my life is and are forgiving for my lack of communication (especially non-FB friends). Give me a good friend I can talk to anytime and trust, and I'll be happy.
2 comments:
I think it is much easier when we are younger to give our whole selves and create a BFF bond with someone. BUT, I think a BFF is someone you can call up, even when their is a long absence and fall right back into a comforting conversation. A BFF is someone you don't have to lie to. This person gives you the sense to say whatever is on your mind. Being older, we are more guarded as to who we share very personal information with, but when we find those kind of people it is as amazing as our childhood BFF's.
One of the most difficult part of a friendship is maintaining it. I hate getting Christmas cards from people who have never bothered to call once a year to at least ask how things are going. One woman who I thought was a friend never even bothered to call me after my son was born to ask how things were going. I realized people can be flakey. They like spending the good times with you, but when you may not be available, they drop you like a hot potato so I try to be careful with my friendships and only give my friendship to those who truly deserve it. That's why I delete all those FB lurkers. My time is precious, I don't want to spend it on just anyone.
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