Frugal or Stingy?

I've been wondering lately whether I am frugal or stingy? Of course, everyone wants to be in the frugal category.

My sister-in-law recently made fun of me when I told her how I used Peapod delivery for groceries by putting sale items on my order and choosing a delivery date after the sale is over. This allows me to add on the next week's sale items as well. Two weeks of sale items on one delivery seems like a frugal trait. But she thinks I am trying to work the system. But later that day, she told me how she was using her sister's membership to some buyers group which could get her a refrigerator for a lower price including delivery. I pointed out that she also likes to get deals. She then said "Who doesn't like to find a deal and save some money?" WTH??

I don't buy the fruits and vegetables from the "rotting cart" to save on food costs. I don't buy every newspaper on Sunday to collect coupons (but I will use them if I have). I don't make my child go under the turnstile or squeeze in for one fare. I don't buy bottled water (except if I'm dying of thirst and forgot to fill my Kleen Kanteen). I don't drive out of the way just to avoid tolls.

I do look for free parking before choosing to pay for parking. I do resist turning on the air conditioner unless I can't breathe. I do shop at outlets when we are near one. I do use the libraries instead of buying books. I do donate less than the suggested amounts at museums. I do try the free samples at Trader's Joe's if it looks OK. I do save junk mail and use the back for scrap paper.

Before I buy something, I try to ask myself "Do you need it?" and "Is this a good price for it?" I don't always remember to ask one or both questions. If it is something we need and I don't have the time and energy to bargain-hunt, then I buy it.

I don't know if my lifestyle can be considered frugal or stingy or both, but I still would like to think that I'm not stingy.

Frivolous Lawsuits

There are so many jokes about lawyers and a general mistrust of lawyers. All the negativity probably stems from the amount of frivolous lawsuits in this country. Why is it that whenever someone is wronged, others say "Sue them"?

Last August, while driving home with a carload of happy children (mine and my friend Steve's), I was struck by a motorcyclist half a block from my house. Minivan vs. motorcycle. Guess who got hurt (allegedly) and sues? Yup, the motorcyclist, who didn't even have any insurance.

He scared the shit out of me! After jumping out of my vehicle to check on him, I went back to get my cell phone and called 911. I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then and there! I was in shock. The cops did take my information and statement. He was refusing medical treatment but his dad (an auxillary cop who was the first one on the scene but didn't tell me their relationship) told him to get in the ambulance. His father stayed behind and was so nonchalant about the event. Maybe he was already planning to sue? When it was all over and I got home, I called GEICO. They asked me for his information. I never even exchanged information with this guy! That's how shaken up I was.

For days I didn't sleep well because I kept replaying it over in my head to see if I could've done anything different. The cop said that the motorcyclist would've been dead had I not stopped the way I did. I did everything they tell you to do in defensive driving class and this shit still happens.

I was ready to never drive again. I could be as careful as I want to be but there are reckless people out there. Thank God no one got seriously hurt -- of course he claims he did.

After a while, I got served with papers (improper service since I wasn't home to receive it). The dumbass lawyer he hired coundn't even hire a proper process server. Anyway, I was being sued by this moron!

Well, I got good news yesterday -- the case was resolved and not going forward. This nightmare that hung over me for the last year is over. Now, I fear what it will do to my insurance premium. All because of a frivolous lawsuit.

I always hated those scummy lawyers and now I hate them even more. Maybe I am an elitist lawyer who gradated from a top law school and worked at a large firm as a corporate attorney. Or, maybe I am just another person in America who is fed up with all the baseless claims which get settled just to keep litigation costs down.

Time for tort reform!

Gifts

I enjoy giving gifts which are meaningful. Some times I have enough time to make a present. Other times I don't. This past weekend was spent making a mermaid's tail for a 10 year's birthday. I had never done it before. I didn't have a pattern. It was quite a challenge. But I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was so nice to see her expression when she found it hidden in the box which she thought only contained a hoodie!

Those who know me know that my memory is awful. We've been married over 21 years now. Amazingly, I do remember specific wedding presents and who gave them to us but have no idea how much money people gave. I know who got us our furniture (my parents), first television set (big brother), silverware (Grace and Chris), wicker chest (John & Su-u), towels with our names (David), Esprit blanket (Warren), etc.

The same applies for the baby presents we received for my children -- alphabet quilt with removable toys (Chiu), quilted photo album (Ronald), A's big teddy (Nadine), M's big teddy (Oleg), weekly delivery of diapers (Hsin-Yu), group quilt (quilting class at the Y), gold jewelry (Susan), portable playpen (home schoolers), etc. Other than the savings bonds, I don't recall monetary gifts.

I don't know if other people have memory problems like mine but that is the reason I make baby blankets or quilts as gifts and shop off of registries or wish lists rather than give money.

Someone asked my husband why I don't sell my plarn tote bags. I have been giving them away to friends and family. What would I charge? Nothing would seem like enough compensation for the amount of time I put into it. I asked him if we needed the money. If we did, I would sell them. The answer was "No." So, I will continue to give them away as gifts (for no occasion).

Best Friends

The other day when I was driving home I spotted my best friend from junior high. She actually lives a block away from me now but we pretty much lost touch after junior high school. I was explaining this to my children and it sounded weird that I have a former best friend so close by yet we don't talk, other than when we run into each other -- chit chat about small things.

I got to thinking about all my "best friends" from the past. In first grade, my best friend was Sara (or Sarah, I don't even know how her name was spelled or what her last name was). When I moved in the summer after second grade, we lost touch. In P.S. 13, my best friend was Christina D. I would stop at her house, on the way to and from school, and play with her pet rabbit before walking the rest of the way. We lost touch after we went our separate ways to junior high. In Chinese School, there was Susan. But then she moved to Rockland County and we saw each other less frequently. In JHS 73, there was a trio - me, Judy, and Cathy. Cathy moved to NJ before ninth grade but we kept in touch by writing, telephone, and sleepovers. Somehow I lost touch with Judy when we went to high school even though she lived a few blocks from where I lived. In Stuy, there was another trio - me, Susan, and Christine. Then I went to NYU while they went to Cornell (where Cathy went too). I was so sad without them that I applied for transfer to Cornell. I didn't end up going because I couldn't afford it. In NYU, there was Grace, Judy, and later on, Karen and Dixon. At Price Waterhouse, there was Marie. At law school, there was Lorna. At Kelley Drye, there was Grace (again).

I really began to lose my friends when I got married and had children. Single people didn't understand the time commitment need to build a family while going to law school. Then when I started working, I had even less time to see friends and keep in touch.

In a more fluid environment where you don't see the same people every day at the same place, it takes more effort to maintain a friendship. As my free time decreased exponentially, rather than start new deeper friendships, I held on to the ones I already had since I really suck at keeping in touch, calling, writing, etc. I don't even send out Christmas cards any more! But email and Facebook have helped me reconnect with friends and maintain current friendships.

I don't know if I believe in BFFs since I can't seem to keep a best friend for any extended period of time. I've given up on that concept, other than my sister who has always been there for me.

Nowadays, my closest friends are those who understand how hectic my life is and are forgiving for my lack of communication (especially non-FB friends). Give me a good friend I can talk to anytime and trust, and I'll be happy.

Music and Art

I grew up listening to music before I fell asleep and waking up to music on my alarm clock/radio. I played the viola from sixth grade until I graduated from high school. Over two summers, I learned how to play the piano from my cousins. Other than that, I have no musical talent. But I do believe that everyone might have musical ability. Unfortunately, my hubby doesn't agree.

During my recent painting of the living room, I had to move the piano to the center of the living room. Many years ago, I had purchased a Roland electric 88-key upright which has grand piano sound and touch sensitive keys. I spent a few thousand on it (with the intention of trading up to a grand piano when we moved into a bigger house). Well, we never moved so I never traded up. I meant to learn to play the piano but gave up. Nobody is taking lessons on it any more and it is rarely played. So, hubby was angry that I spent the money on it and that it is just taking up space. He also complained about the drum set in the basement and the violin (very grumpy that day). M is still playing his violin but B rarely touches his drum set. We also have other instruments hidden around the house -- recorder, accordion, harmonica, ocarina, and, my newest acquisition, a jaw harp. I just learned how to play it today even though I bought it last month in Colonial Williamsburg.

I guess I would like my children to be able to play something if they feel inclined to. And they do occasionally play on their musical instruments or listen to music. It's the same as having art supplies readily available in case you have the desire to create artwork. That's another thing we disagree about. Maybe the problem is that he's not musically or artistically inclined and/or didn't have any exposure to it at a young age? I can't imagine what my life would be without music or art.

During the year that I took off after working at KDW, I felt such an urge to get back some creativity in my life. That's when I took painting classes, ceramics classes, and quilting classes. I really enjoyed that year. It wasn't an "Eat, Pray, and Love" year. It was a "Create, Create, and Create" year. I guess I had music in my life -- radio in the office playing "elevator music." What I missed was making artwork. I loved all three mediums but quilting was the easiest to do "on the go."

I am taking a break from quilting right now but I am creating things with yarn. I have so much fun making stuff without patterns. It's like improvising on a musical instrument.

So, go and make beautiful music and art!!