Next Door Neighbors

Growing up in a big city, it's hard to know who your neighbors are. When we were in an apartment building in Manhattan, we knew our next door neighbors and recognized the people on our floor. Then when we moved to Queens, we knew the next door neighbors and made friends with the family across the street who had children our age. After getting married and moving, we only knew our next door neighbors because we were busy with law school and work.

At last, we bought our own home. Now, we only knew the old couple from next door because we were so busy working. I befriended the other neighbor when I got locked out of the house one morning after dropping off B at the babysitter's house. These neighbors let me borrow their phone to call a locksmith to break the lock. That was before I had a cell phone. Eventually, the old couple passed away. The other neighbors were renters so they kept changing.

After I retired, I got to know more people on our block. Whenever a new family moved in around us, I would introduce myself and welcome them. It seemed like the right thing to do. So far there's only been one house a few doors down who chose to be unfriendly.

Well....this morning, I was rudely awakened by people wanting me to move my vehicle so that a big-ass moving van could park. They were moving stuff for my new neighbors -- right next door! I can't believe the next door neighbors would move without telling me?! The wife was out with us cleaning up after the tornado hit a few weeks ago. I had left them a note (with my phone number) last week before the garage roof work started, asking for permission to use their backyard. I did notice that their dog wasn't around, so I thought they were on vacation. Apparently, my son saw them moving stuff out this weekend while I was away. After all these years, they couldn't tell me they were leaving? I am a little hurt. We weren't friends, but it would've been nice for them to say something.

Meanwhile, the neighbors who rented on the other side moved out about a month ago. Now we'll have to wait and see who the new tenants are. After all these years, I think I only got to really know two families who have lived there.

We live in a busy city where people are always in and out of their homes. We see each other only for brief moments in passing. The families with children are easier to befriend. One neighbor who lives behind us is definitely in the "friends" category. Our children get along so well and they can play together whenever we're both home. That was how it was with my friend Sharon who lived across the street. That's how I imagined it would be when we moved here but there weren't enough families with children.

I hope the two new sets of next door neighbors are nice. It would be a bonus if they had children who got along with my children.

Tornado

Yesterday evening, a tornado went through my neighborhood. I did not know there was a tornado warning issued at the time. I heard the thunder and the house got dark really fast. When I looked out the dining room window, rain was going horizontally in heavy sheets. It was so unbelievable, I called my son to come see. Had I known there was a tornado warning telling people to seek shelter below ground and away from windows, I wouldn't have done that. When we turned around, we saw tree branches flying across our living room windows. At this point I was SCARED but ran to get my camera to document it!

Then it ended in a matter of minutes. I think the whole storm lasted 5 minutes at most, or what seemed like 5 minutes.

When I wanted to call my other children to check on them, I realized they were probably still in their college classes. Our phone lines were dead. When I got my cell phone, my daughter had already left me a message saying she was waiting out the storm and her friend's parents were coming to pick them up. I felt a sense of relief knowing that. Had I known at the time that their campus was the worse hit area of Queens, I would've been worried beyond control. When I spoke with B, he was OK. I told him to meet up with his sister for a ride home since there was no way for me to get to them.

So many trees were down in my neighborhood that cars were driving up our one way street in the wrong direction just to get to a main thoroughfare. It started to get sunnier and so we ventured out to see what was going on. The sky was a greenish-yellow hue. We were supposed to go to a home schooling meeting later that evening but I called to say I wouldn't make it. I didn't know how awful it was outside of my neighborhood but the thought of driving later in the dark with trees on the ground was not something I wanted to do. Later on, I found out there were blackout in some areas and traffic signals around me were not working. So glad we stayed put. Gridlock was really awful.

There was an eerie silence outside, other than the sirens and alarms. People were out assessing the damage. It was surreal! The weird coloring of the air gave such an unreal aura. I never could've imagined so much damage in such a short period of time. It was nothing compared to television reports of the Midwest towns which are leveled by tornadoes. We live in brick houses which stand up better to the winds, I guess. But it was bad.

After driving today, I felt really sad thinking about all the trees which are now going to be cleared away. So many looked as if someone chewed off the top or twisted the branches off. When I came home from picking up A this afternoon because buses weren't stopping (she was too tired to walk home after doing it yesterday and walking most of the way this morning), I felt a bit depressed. The toppled trees will be killed. The snapped trees will be killed. The split trees will be killed.

One woman died on the Grand Central Parkway by Jewel Avenue. I thought of her as I drove by that area. A human life lost in this tornado. Amazingly, only one!

The branches impaled in our garage and in the sidewalks just tells you the force of the tornado. They could've killed pedestrians! Thank God they didn't.

At the end of the day, it wasn't so bad but I will definitely never forget it.

September 11th

Remembering those lost on September 11, 2001. Remembering those so close to losing their lives that day. Remembering those left behind to face the world full of hatred and sadness.

So much has changed. Yet, so much remains the same. There are still wars in parts of the world. There are still arguments over religions. There are still hungry and dying people everywhere. There is still so much unhappiness.

Nine years. It seems like a long time ago for me. Yet it is only a tiny chunk on the time line of mankind. Will it be something that the world remembers a hundred years from now? Will it only be remembered by those in the U.S.? Will it be passed down in families that lost their loved ones?

It was a pivotal time in my life. But will it be significant in the history of the world? I wonder, as I continue to pray for peace on earth for all of us.

Frugal or Stingy?

I've been wondering lately whether I am frugal or stingy? Of course, everyone wants to be in the frugal category.

My sister-in-law recently made fun of me when I told her how I used Peapod delivery for groceries by putting sale items on my order and choosing a delivery date after the sale is over. This allows me to add on the next week's sale items as well. Two weeks of sale items on one delivery seems like a frugal trait. But she thinks I am trying to work the system. But later that day, she told me how she was using her sister's membership to some buyers group which could get her a refrigerator for a lower price including delivery. I pointed out that she also likes to get deals. She then said "Who doesn't like to find a deal and save some money?" WTH??

I don't buy the fruits and vegetables from the "rotting cart" to save on food costs. I don't buy every newspaper on Sunday to collect coupons (but I will use them if I have). I don't make my child go under the turnstile or squeeze in for one fare. I don't buy bottled water (except if I'm dying of thirst and forgot to fill my Kleen Kanteen). I don't drive out of the way just to avoid tolls.

I do look for free parking before choosing to pay for parking. I do resist turning on the air conditioner unless I can't breathe. I do shop at outlets when we are near one. I do use the libraries instead of buying books. I do donate less than the suggested amounts at museums. I do try the free samples at Trader's Joe's if it looks OK. I do save junk mail and use the back for scrap paper.

Before I buy something, I try to ask myself "Do you need it?" and "Is this a good price for it?" I don't always remember to ask one or both questions. If it is something we need and I don't have the time and energy to bargain-hunt, then I buy it.

I don't know if my lifestyle can be considered frugal or stingy or both, but I still would like to think that I'm not stingy.

Frivolous Lawsuits

There are so many jokes about lawyers and a general mistrust of lawyers. All the negativity probably stems from the amount of frivolous lawsuits in this country. Why is it that whenever someone is wronged, others say "Sue them"?

Last August, while driving home with a carload of happy children (mine and my friend Steve's), I was struck by a motorcyclist half a block from my house. Minivan vs. motorcycle. Guess who got hurt (allegedly) and sues? Yup, the motorcyclist, who didn't even have any insurance.

He scared the shit out of me! After jumping out of my vehicle to check on him, I went back to get my cell phone and called 911. I thought I was going to have a heart attack right then and there! I was in shock. The cops did take my information and statement. He was refusing medical treatment but his dad (an auxillary cop who was the first one on the scene but didn't tell me their relationship) told him to get in the ambulance. His father stayed behind and was so nonchalant about the event. Maybe he was already planning to sue? When it was all over and I got home, I called GEICO. They asked me for his information. I never even exchanged information with this guy! That's how shaken up I was.

For days I didn't sleep well because I kept replaying it over in my head to see if I could've done anything different. The cop said that the motorcyclist would've been dead had I not stopped the way I did. I did everything they tell you to do in defensive driving class and this shit still happens.

I was ready to never drive again. I could be as careful as I want to be but there are reckless people out there. Thank God no one got seriously hurt -- of course he claims he did.

After a while, I got served with papers (improper service since I wasn't home to receive it). The dumbass lawyer he hired coundn't even hire a proper process server. Anyway, I was being sued by this moron!

Well, I got good news yesterday -- the case was resolved and not going forward. This nightmare that hung over me for the last year is over. Now, I fear what it will do to my insurance premium. All because of a frivolous lawsuit.

I always hated those scummy lawyers and now I hate them even more. Maybe I am an elitist lawyer who gradated from a top law school and worked at a large firm as a corporate attorney. Or, maybe I am just another person in America who is fed up with all the baseless claims which get settled just to keep litigation costs down.

Time for tort reform!

Gifts

I enjoy giving gifts which are meaningful. Some times I have enough time to make a present. Other times I don't. This past weekend was spent making a mermaid's tail for a 10 year's birthday. I had never done it before. I didn't have a pattern. It was quite a challenge. But I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was so nice to see her expression when she found it hidden in the box which she thought only contained a hoodie!

Those who know me know that my memory is awful. We've been married over 21 years now. Amazingly, I do remember specific wedding presents and who gave them to us but have no idea how much money people gave. I know who got us our furniture (my parents), first television set (big brother), silverware (Grace and Chris), wicker chest (John & Su-u), towels with our names (David), Esprit blanket (Warren), etc.

The same applies for the baby presents we received for my children -- alphabet quilt with removable toys (Chiu), quilted photo album (Ronald), A's big teddy (Nadine), M's big teddy (Oleg), weekly delivery of diapers (Hsin-Yu), group quilt (quilting class at the Y), gold jewelry (Susan), portable playpen (home schoolers), etc. Other than the savings bonds, I don't recall monetary gifts.

I don't know if other people have memory problems like mine but that is the reason I make baby blankets or quilts as gifts and shop off of registries or wish lists rather than give money.

Someone asked my husband why I don't sell my plarn tote bags. I have been giving them away to friends and family. What would I charge? Nothing would seem like enough compensation for the amount of time I put into it. I asked him if we needed the money. If we did, I would sell them. The answer was "No." So, I will continue to give them away as gifts (for no occasion).

Best Friends

The other day when I was driving home I spotted my best friend from junior high. She actually lives a block away from me now but we pretty much lost touch after junior high school. I was explaining this to my children and it sounded weird that I have a former best friend so close by yet we don't talk, other than when we run into each other -- chit chat about small things.

I got to thinking about all my "best friends" from the past. In first grade, my best friend was Sara (or Sarah, I don't even know how her name was spelled or what her last name was). When I moved in the summer after second grade, we lost touch. In P.S. 13, my best friend was Christina D. I would stop at her house, on the way to and from school, and play with her pet rabbit before walking the rest of the way. We lost touch after we went our separate ways to junior high. In Chinese School, there was Susan. But then she moved to Rockland County and we saw each other less frequently. In JHS 73, there was a trio - me, Judy, and Cathy. Cathy moved to NJ before ninth grade but we kept in touch by writing, telephone, and sleepovers. Somehow I lost touch with Judy when we went to high school even though she lived a few blocks from where I lived. In Stuy, there was another trio - me, Susan, and Christine. Then I went to NYU while they went to Cornell (where Cathy went too). I was so sad without them that I applied for transfer to Cornell. I didn't end up going because I couldn't afford it. In NYU, there was Grace, Judy, and later on, Karen and Dixon. At Price Waterhouse, there was Marie. At law school, there was Lorna. At Kelley Drye, there was Grace (again).

I really began to lose my friends when I got married and had children. Single people didn't understand the time commitment need to build a family while going to law school. Then when I started working, I had even less time to see friends and keep in touch.

In a more fluid environment where you don't see the same people every day at the same place, it takes more effort to maintain a friendship. As my free time decreased exponentially, rather than start new deeper friendships, I held on to the ones I already had since I really suck at keeping in touch, calling, writing, etc. I don't even send out Christmas cards any more! But email and Facebook have helped me reconnect with friends and maintain current friendships.

I don't know if I believe in BFFs since I can't seem to keep a best friend for any extended period of time. I've given up on that concept, other than my sister who has always been there for me.

Nowadays, my closest friends are those who understand how hectic my life is and are forgiving for my lack of communication (especially non-FB friends). Give me a good friend I can talk to anytime and trust, and I'll be happy.