Friendship -continue

Warning -- feeling bitter and the writing may reflect this.

It's been hard these past few weeks. Whenever my friends are going through hardships, I try my best to be there to support them. Not only with my time, but with whatever they may need. I have even helped with childcare which isn't my strongest point. I realized that I am no longer able to deal with young ones and their neediness. So, I am trying to be there emotionally and as a sounding board.

Having a friend being investigated for child neglect when it's so unfounded is alarming. The person who reported it is anonymous for the time being. This has been very upsetting for the family and for all who know them well. The caller obviously doesn't know this family very well, is just pure evil, or both! When the charges are dropped, this family will still have to deal with the trauma caused by these allegations. As a friend, I can't make it go away. I really wish I could but it just has to work its way through the system.

Please God, let it be done with as fast as possible so that their lives can get back to normal, as much as possible. I also live in fear of who could have made the call and what it would do to my life.

Having another friend in the hospital unable to see her children is pretty bad too. I am trying to visit her as often as possible so that she doesn't feel like she's been forgotten. I remember being in the hospital after A was born and how lonely I felt when no one came until the next day to visit us.

I pray she comes out soon, feeling better, with renewed hope.

My hubby's friend from the past has re-emerged and I am weary. He betrayed his wife many years ago and wants to go out to dinner together. Give me a break! Why would I want to associate with a scumbug like that? He broke her heart and stomped on it and is pretending that nothing's wrong. He doesn't even know we had a third child. What kind of friend is that? He wants something. Alert! Alert! Avoid at all cost!

Bad friends are like cancer, must cut away before they destroy you.

Good friends are like vitamins, they help you stay healthy.

Wishing for wisdom to be able to know who my true friends are. Who will be there for me when I am in need?

Friendship

I realize that there are different levels of friendship: people we talk to when we see each other, people we communicate with electronically, people we call, and people we go out of our way to see. Some friends we talk to daily, while others we seldom speak to. It's not the amount of time or the frequency which determines the level of friendship, or is it?

I never really had a best friend. I usually had two best friends, part of a trio. This was true in junior high with Cathy and Judy. Then in high school there were Susan and Christine (and Dora was the tag-along). Maybe I never wanted to put all my eggs in one basket.

During different phases of my life I have had close friends who died rather suddenly. The pain of loss was so bad I altered how I lived. I realized that life was not to be taken for granted and friends shouldn't be taken for granted either.

I married one of my best friends and worry about losing him. If only he'd quit smoking, I'd be less worried. Then again, he wants me to exercise more so that he doesn't have to worry about my health.

I hope that I am a friend who people want to share their joys and sorrows. I want be there to cheer you and hug you for all the great moments in your life. But know that I am here for those times when you need me to hug you to take away the pain. I will laugh with you and cry with you. But most of all, I want to share memories with those dearest to me so that when I'm no longer here physically, a part of me will still be floating around in the memories of my friends.

Marriage

As I mark my twenty-first year of being married, the news is filled with the separation of Al and Tipper Gore after 40 years of marriage. You never know. What's to prevent the two of us from growing apart? Is it bad for my husband to have his kung-fu friends while I have my quilting and home schooling pals? I always thought it was better to have some things which are important to us but not require the other to be a part of it if he or she didn't have an interest. He likes to exercise while I loathe it. I like to make things while he likes to break things. Isn't the saying "opposites attract"? We do share the love of traveling, philanthropy, eating well, and how to raise our children (most of the time). I hope I picked the right guy who will be there for me "'til death do us part."

UN and UNICEF

I finally realize why I hate history -- so much of it revolves around wars and killings. Those of you who know me well, know that I don't believe in wars for any reasons. Wasn't that the original purpose of the United Nations? I love the gun sculpture for what it represent but it isn't enough. Now we have other horrible weapons: bombs, land mines, missile. There's an exhibit in the UN about land mines which cost very little to make but cause so much pain and suffering -- even after a war is over.

I was very upset when the U.S. decided to defy the UN and go to war with Iraq based on unsubstantiated "weapons of mass destruction" claims. If the U.S. can choose when to follow the UN rules, then so can all the other countries in the world. The whole system means nothing then.

During college and law school, I used to work in the basement of the UN volunteering with UNICEF. I even went a few weekends when I was a lawyer. It felt good to be there. I felt like I was contributing to making the world a better place. Did I really make a difference? Probably very little in the scheme of things. There were Christmas seasons spent sitting in bank lobbies selling UNICEF cards and gifts in order to raise money for children in need around the world. I'd like to think that some village got a water pump and some children were saved from polio because of my efforts.

UNICEF is one of the most important charities to me. Don't buy flowers for me when I die, just donate the money to UNICEF. The children of the world are innocently suffering and could use all the help they can get. Better yet, donate before I die. http://www.unicef.org/

Religion

There is controversy brewing over a proposed mosque being build near Ground Zero.

I recently had some conversations about religion and the customs. Some things which came up were "why is it OK to have yamulkes with baseball team logos?" and "do you have to wash tsitsits in lingerie bags?" New questions included: "Is it OK to have a logo on a Bible or Koran?" "Why do people carry holy water in their purses?" "If God created Adam and Eve and we are all descendants from them, aren't we all related then?"

I have gone from being an atheist to an agnostic. I really think there is some other higher spirit but not sure what it is. I still don't understand all the distinctions between the Christians -- Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, etc. And, I don't really care. If there was one interpretation of the Bible, then I might believe in it. I don't even really know the difference between the various religions and never really had a deep desire to figure it all out. It amazes me whenever there are people who can quote passages from the Bible -- not just the words but where in the Bible it came from. I have no desire to know anything that thoroughly. Call me shallow if you must.

Don't take this the wrong way...I respect all religions but have no desire to be a part of any one group. It seems that those in a religion always feel that their religion is the right one. This has been the root of way too many conflicts in history and modern times. So, don't hate me if I'm not part of your religion and ask silly questions.

Liars

Rule #1: Don't lie to me. If you lie to me, it means that you think you won't be caught and/or that I am too stupid to figure it out. I have worked so hard to teach my children that lying is bad, VERY bad. Once you've lied to someone and been discovered, damage has been done. Trust is lost. Your words will no longer mean as much. I have never made a promise I didn't intend to keep. If I know something may cause me not to be able to do something, I let the person know up front. Is that too much to ask for in return? When you've done something bad, own up to it. Don't lie, especially to me or my loved ones.

So, if you are a liar, reconsider being my friend. At some point you will be discovered and I will no longer trust you or believe you. I may forgive you but I will never fully embrace anything you say.

Time

Have you noticed how time seems to pass quicker as you get older? It used to be that "time flies when you're having fun." Now, it flies even when I'm not having fun. I thought life would be like a wind-up toy -- getting slower and slower. But NOOO....Each day I realize that I didn't do something I was supposed to do. Each week passes and I can't even remember what my time was spent doing. As I sleep less, you'd think I'd get more done, right?! Alas, I manage to waste what extra time I have. In a blink of the eye, my children have grown to be independent thinkers who are becoming pretty self-sufficient. I've spent countless hours nagging and coaxing them to do this or do that, and it's beginning to pay off. But only time will tell if I've had a good enough influence.