Somehow, this year, I am really not in any mood to celebrate "The Holidays" in any shape or form. I can't figure out what is bothering me but there's absolutely no motivation to decorate or host a dinner.
Maybe the basement flood in September, caused by a leaking water heater, resulting in months of cleanup and repairs drained my energy. Buying things to replace stuff we had to throw out resulted in expenses we didn't budget for. Dealing with an insurance adjuster who wasn't understanding didn't help the situation. Or, perhaps throwing out my artificial tree (which was a victim of the flood) was the catalyst. Maybe it was a more important part of Christmas in my life than I had realized.
Maybe it was the specific item requested for Christmas that killed it for me. I couldn't find a man's small, plain dark red or blue zippered hoodie in any nearby stores and ended up wasting time and energy, which I didn't really have to begin with. After buying it online from Target a few weeks ago, I find out that it was the only item I bought to be back-ordered. At least I found it last week and a huge burden was lifted.
Maybe I'm waiting for my sibling to invite me over for Christmas. I am tired of hosting it at my house.
Maybe it's the whole depressing state of affairs in this country. The economy is so bad with no foreseeable solution in the near future. Everything seems to cost more than ever. The political candidates are annoying with no foreseeable savior in the near future. The crime rate is higher and my fear is rising. When people start shooting cops, what hope do I have of feeling safe?
It's already December 21st. Only four more days until Christmas. Only ten more days until my birthday.
Something wonderful has to happen to get me out of this slump. I am grateful for all the nice things people have been doing for me. I really do know how lucky and blessed I am. Having some friends over at the house last Friday was fun but so short-lived. The giant box of See's candy from my big brother was very nice. JoAnn's tin of homemade holiday cookies was also nice. Michael bought me an autographed copy of "Charlie & Kiwi" to cheer me up. Seeing our friend in a Christmas show broke the negative mood for a day or two. Lunch at Angel's house yesterday was fun and the latkes were such a treat.
I wish I knew what was wrong with my holiday spirit this year. I can't even get myself to write a annual summary of what's been going on in our lives. Does anyone really care if I send one?
